Why did the man sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year’s Eve?

Hi, bud.

A threeway

Blabrador

A general, inspecting troops, stops in front of a private and says, "There is a submarine surfacing in front of you. How will you deal with it?" Private: I'd wait till it's 20 meters up in the air and shoot it with my anti-aircraft gun SIR. General: And where are you going to get an anti-aircraft gun from? Private: Same place that you got the submarine from SIR.

Satellite Dish.

Suspecting her husband of infidelity, she confronted him when, once again, he came home late from work. Earlier, she had searched his company job titles and found a name. “What would you say,” she asked, “if I told you that I’m having an affair with your co-worker Sidney?” “Well, in that case,” he replied, “I’d say you’re a lesbian.”

He left the lad with the desk sergeant along with some diapers, snacks, and instructions for an afternoon nap. When he got back from his shift his son was nowhere to be seen. He asked the sergeant where his boy was and was told he was in the jail because he wouldn't take his nap. "Why would you put a little boy in jail for that!?" he asked. The sergeant said, "Standard procedure: He was resisting a rest."

The police are looking into it

Butanal

As we all know, April showers bring May flowers, and of course Mayflowers bring pilgrims, and pilgrims bring death and disease, but apparently death and disease brings Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving brings football, football brings fans, and fans bring beer. Basically, what I’m saying is: I like the month of April, because it means I get to drink.